Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Off with his head! and another Magic 8 Ball argument...

Our son, Jason, turned 18 this week. I mentioned today that he's got to register for the Selective Service. DG declared that this is how "they" find you for jury duty. That, and registering to vote.

I reminded him that it isn't just registering to vote. See, back in the olden days, we were told (quite possibly mistakenly) that you had to be a resident of the state you were registered in- and being military, we weren't residents of where we were living. At any rate, we never registered to vote while he was still active duty and when he got out, he up and had the stroke. His stroke happened 'round about the time of the O.J. Simpson trial and I recall there being a woman who tried to use the fact she cared for a disabled parent as reason enough to be excused. They didn't excuse her and she spent far too much of her life stuck in the O.J. trial hell. So, I never registered to vote then either. I didn't register to vote till the 2008 presidential election and since I'm not here to talk politics, I'll move on...

Many years ago- and I was reminding DG of this today after he declared the Selective Service is "how they find you"- he got a jury summons in the mail. I called the special phone number that's on the summons to explain why he can't serve on a jury. It went something like this:

Me: "My husband is disabled from a stroke. He can't retain new information and suffers from aphasia and apraxia [then I explained what those are]."

Woman: "So he's disabled?"

Me: "Yes. He has two communication disorders that make it near-impossible for him to retain new information or even follow a lengthy conversation."

Woman: "Can he sit for more than an hour?"

Me: "Sitting isn't the problem. He has brain damage from a stroke. He cannot make decisions like a normal person..." It went on like this for a few minutes, with me repeating the "stroke, brain damage, communication disorders" a few times. His name is now flagged so he won't be summoned for jury duty.

But today, he said he'd never get chosen. He'd declare: "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" and "KILL THEM ALL!"

So I said, "But, sir, this is a fraud trial."

"Fight to the death!"

I have to say, he's been watching that new show on Starz! called "Spartacus, Blood and Sand".

The other day, DG had an argument with the Magic 8 Ball again. He asked the 8 Ball if we were going to get a lot snow (we were expecting about 10 inches of snow over two days). The ball said "no". He said, "You're lying!" and shook the ball again. "Are you lying?" *no* "Why are you lying?" *reply hazy* "Why won't you answer me? Answer me! Do you think I'm stupid? Just give me an answer!" (shaking the ball the entire time). The answer came back with "Concentrate and ask again."

DG exclaimed, "You cocksucker!" and put the ball down.

Since today's stories were short and not nearly as funny as they were in real life, here's a photo of DG with his girlfriend... Luna.


Grumpy Housewife said...

I'm sitting here giggling over the argument with the Magic 8 Ball. The Disabled Guy has the same arguments with the damn thing I do, and my only excuse is a case of She Ain't Right Syndrome! P.S., this is Ms. K from Snopes!

Mary Jo Cartledgehayes said...

I love y'all so much that I posted about you on my blog with a link and told everybody to stop reading mine and go read yours and leave a comment. They follow directions as poorly, but I hope some came to visit you.