Saturday, June 19, 2010

Textually Speaking Part Two-

So, while DG has been on this trip, I've been receiving random text messages with photos in them. The other day, I received this photo and the words: "All glass".

I texted back, "Cool. What is it?"

DG: "Its made of glass."

Me: "Ok, but WHAT is it?"

DG: "Glass."

Me: "I know its glass, what is made out of glass?"

DG: "That picture I sent. Its all glass."

Me: "I GOT IT! But WHAT is IT!?"

Now, I'd like to say he was just taking the piss (which is a British term for "joking around"). But he wasn't. He was replying to the questions as he saw them. And of course, there was about a ten minute span between my question and his reply because of how long it takes him to text. In my defense, the photo on my phone was quite small and I couldn't really make out what it was- aside from "all glass" and kind of pretty.

What it turned out to be was a light that was made completely out of hand-blown glass at some shop where ever it is that they were when he saw it. He didn't even know aside from: "San Antonio".

I told him that this convo was "going in the blog". He asked: "What convo?"

Me: "The glass convo."

DG: "Why?"

Me: "Because it was ridiculous!"

DG: "How?"

Me: "Because you didn't get it and it was like that old "Who's on first?" joke."

DG: "I don't get it."

Me: "You don't get the joke or that the convo was the joke?"

DG: "What's a convo?"


Sunday, June 13, 2010

Burn, baby, buuurrrnnn!

Saturday, June 12, 2010, our son, Jason, graduated from high school. For a while, we weren't sure he was going to make it. Around 7th grade, he copped an attitude and his line about his lack of doing homework was: "I don't learn that way." Well, too bad, the teachers grade that way. This stayed the norm through middle school and on to high school. Every parent/teacher conference (which DG has never gone to, not one, not ever) I was met with: "Jason is a good kid, but..." and "I like Jason, however..." Always but, always however, always. He had summer school to make up lost credits every year. And he's a smart kid. He's been in martial arts since he was eight years old and a person can't be stupid and achieve the levels he has (second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do).

Somewhere in 11th grade, something changed. He started getting better grades and conferences became: "Jason is great!" and "I wish I had a whole class full of kids like him!" And I'd ask, "Are you sure? Jason? Tall kid, dark spiky hair? Pineapple-shaped head." Yup, he turned a corner.

And he graduated on June 12th. Fourteen years ago, on June 12th, we arrived in Wisconsin. We moved here a year after DG had the stroke because... well, we came where the help was and it was here. And, twenty-five years ago, on June 12th, DG asked me to be his girlfriend. We'd been friends for over a year and while I chased him like a sick puppy, he didn't act on it till that day.

So, on Saturday, I asked him if he knew what today was and he said, "Saturday."

Me: "Anything else?"

DG: "Jason's graduation?"

Me: "And?"

DG: "Aaaaan-nnnd? And what?"

Me: "Well, twenty-five years ago, you asked me to be your girlfriend."

DG: "I did not. Did I?"

Me: "Of course you did."

DG: "How do you remember these things?"

Me: "Because I'm a chick and chicks remember these things."

DG: "I don't think it was me."

Me: "What? You just think we just woke up one morning and were boyfriend and girlfriend?"

DG: "Didn't we?"

Me: "We just sort of spontaneously had a relationship without any preceding events?"

DG: "Of course we did. Its like having oily rags in the garage. *makes whooshing sounds that are like someone squeezing the air out of a wet bag* POOF! Sponty- spontaneous! WHOOSH! Spontaneous combust! *crackling sound* We spontaneously combusted!" All while he was making those noises, he was waving his hand in the air to simulate fire.

Me: "We spontaneously combusted like oily rags in a garage?"

DG: "You know it."

While he was busy giggling at himself, I asked him about that text message conversation we had (the previous blog post) the other day.

Me: "What the hell were you talking about?"

DG: "I don't know... I musta heard something different."

Me: "You were reading it! How did you 'hear' anything?"

DG: "I don't know! But it was something!"

As for the kid's graduation- here is DG with Jason and DG's father.

Jason walking to the stage.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Textually Speaking with the Disabled Guy

I thought for sure with him being gone (long story, really stupid story, lame story even), I wouldn't have a conversation to post. Long story short- he went on a road trip with his father, an uncle and a cousin. The part that's stupid is the fact we discussed it, he said he wasn't going to go because we have too much going on (our son is graduating from high school, our dog is having puppies, our daughter's birthday and such). Then he changed his mind. Then he failed to tell me that upon returning for our son's graduation, he would be leaving again. That caused an argument between us that is a conversation you won't read here. Let's just say he owes me a present. Why? Because I told him he owes me a present.

Now, DG can barely text message. His brain doesn't comprehend the whole text concept- where one has to press a key three times to get to a letter and whatnot. Those familiar with texting know what I'm talking about. Others who don't text, its the letters on the phone digits- 1=ABC, 2=DEF and so on. Jase sat down with him and showed him how to text message. And he seemed to get it. But not always. And when I text TO him, I can't use text-speak because he doesn't understand it.

When Jase asked me a car-related question, I decided to ask DG, because he's with his father and his father would know the answer. This is the text conversation. Any misspellings are because DG doesn't like the text-key thing.

Me: "Show this to your father & text me what he says: In a stick shift car, is 'reverse' always 'to the right & down' or does it change by car make/model/tranny speed? Jase wants to know."

DG: "We can all fit in the minivan."

Me: "What? What about the minivan?"

DG: "The vehiclls." (vehicles)

I called him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

DG: "The car. We can all fit in the minivan."

Me: "What does that have to do with anything?"

DG: "For the thing."

Me: "What thing? Did you even read the text?"

DG: "Yeah. And we can all fit in the minivan."

Me: "I didn't ask about the minivan. I asked if stick shift vehicles all had the same gear set up or if it varies by type of car."

DG: *pause* "Oh... OHHH! Okay. Oh. Yeah, unless its, like an 18-wheeler."

Me: "What about foreign cars?"

DG: "I don't know about those."

Me: "What did you think I was asking you?"

DG: "About driving to Jase's graduation."

Me: "Where in hell did you get "Jase's graduation" from "stick shift car"?"

DG: "I don't know."

Me: "You owe me a present. A big present now."

DG: "Okay."

For the record, I'm not squeezing my fat ass into anyone's minivan. I'm driving my own vehicle so I can park where I want.