The following are just random snippets of things he says that are ALMOST right. Almost. Not quite, but you can tell what he meant. He usually laughs at himself or says in a fake sob: "DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!" and another favorite fake-sob response: "DON'T TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" (that's from Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias). Then there's the ever-sudden realization of: "Who talks like this?" *you do*
"I think, therefore I know things..."
"I beg to be differ..."
"Push the light on..."
"Get on the coffee table! GET ON THE COFFEE TABLE!" (this one was actually him trying to tell three rambunctious children to settle down)
"I'm gonna go upstairs and... do the- uh... that thing with, you know, the water."
"Dear, tell him about that thing." *What thing?* "You know, the thing that you know about that I can't remember."
"I broke my coffee... with the water..." *the carafe for his coffee maker cracked the other day*
"You're just doing this to shut the headache up..."
"It ain't that hard- soft- hard? Make up your choice..."
"You know, the chu- chuh- chee- you know, JASPER!"
Speaking of Jasper (our teacup Chihuahua), he calls the dogs by varying names.
Gypsy- Gyppy, Gippee, Mipsy, and any variation of Jasper's name. (Jasper is a male teacup Chihuahua, Gypsy is a female German Shepherd)
Luna- Looma, Loony.
Jasper- Japper, Japs-er, Jackster, Jass-ter, Bast-er, Bastard (yeah, he called him that).
Bruno- Broona, Broomo, Bruh-mo.
If he can't get their name after the first couple of tries, he blurts out: "You know which one you are!"
Just before he went upstairs to do that thing with the water (that is, to shower), he stopped to discuss something with the dogs.
"You guys need to pick up your damn toys." *much tail wagging* "Don't wag your tail at me, clean up this mess." *tail wagging, slight prance* "Pick up your toys!" *he gestures around at the toys which causes Gypsy to get excited and pick up a toy and try to get DG to play* "No, I don't want to play with your toys! Put your toys away!"
And here, is what the dogs heard: TOYS! TOYS! PLAY! TOYS!
And here's a photo of Gypsy and Jasper. I can see how you'd get them confused.
And I'm including this photo just because I think its cute.