There's a long video conversation today...

He's bored. Despite the warm-up in the weather, DG hasn't been out in his shop. Anyone care to guess why? C'mon... you know him. What's he like?

If you said "rich guys driving in circles for four hours every week" you're right. NASCAR is upon us. This past week has been full of NASCAR practices, interviews, the Bud Shootout, and who knows what else.

With all that going on, he hasn't been going into the shop- where he has a half-built sofa waiting to be finished. (Oh, that sofa... there's a story there, but for another time). So, NASCAR it is... The TV stuff ends in the afternoon, but that's "too late" to go out into the shop. I have no idea why, but that's how he works.

And today, he was bored. NASCAR was over, "Spartacus, Gods of the Arena" isn't on for hours. He stood about ten feet to my left and started making noises. I asked what he was doing. He said nothing. Then he'd make a noise, then make a face, then act like he wasn't doing anything. Back and forth (what are you doing? Nothing. *face-making*) for about ten minutes. It continued when I went upstairs (I have to walk past him to do that). When I sat back down, he kept it up. So, I picked up my camera.

I couldn't point it AT him, of course. Because he stops acting silly when he knows the camera is on him. So, unfortunately, you get a view of my horrifyingly messy desk. Then I sit for a while on a photo frame you've all seen before, then on to the computer monitor for the blog page. Eventually, I rolled back a little so I could see that he was making faces. And he was, but there are none on the video. Just him. Talking, singing, making noises and denying that he's doing any of those things. Its about seven minutes long.

Enjoy.

And I'll tell you the sofa story in a few days.

There have been no looong conversations

He's just been blurting short snippets of things lately that I've been sharing on the Facebook page. So, if you want to join the FB page, go ahead. There's a tab at the top that directs you to join us on FB.

If you're one of the last few people- like my parents- who don't have a FB page, then let me compile a few of the snippets I've shared there...

January 16, 10:30 PM

Luna's barking. DG told her repeatedly to shut up. She barked again and he exclaimed: "Gimme something to throw at you!"

A while later, one dog started barking and they all joined in. DG exclaimed, "Shut up!" *pause* "Hey! Drop that hair!" (what he says when the dogs have the fur raised up on their backs).

*****
January 20, 630 AM-

Me: "Why, when I woke up in the middle of the night, were ALL the blankets on me?"
DG: "They left me."
Me: "Then why did you push them back onto me when I put them all back on you?"
DG: "We had a fight. I was mad at them."
Me: "That doesn't explain why you kept pushing them back on me after I tried to get them off me."
DG: "You were cold."
Me: "You know that's not true."
DG: "It could be."
Me: "Except its not."
DG: "Trust me."
Me: "No."
DG: "Be that way."
Me: "I will."
DG: "Good."
Me: "Fine."
DG: "I'm not whining."
Me: "What?"

*****

January 22, 6:04 PM

Me: "What are you watching?"

DG: "Dina... Diana's... *sigh* Diana's peak."

Me: "Dante's Peak?"

DG: "That's what I said."

Me: "No, you said the name of a menopausal porn flick."

DG: "That's not what this movie is about!"

*****
January 24 1:30 PM

DG came downstairs all a-flutter. "You know that guy in that movie?"
Me: "What movie?"
DG: "With Adam Sadler!" [sic]
Me: "Kevin James?"
DG: "No! The black guy!"
Me: "Carl Weathers?"
DG: "NO! Not Carl Weathers! The other guy! He was a fireman and naked."
Me: "Ving Rhames?"
DG: "YEAH! Him. He's in a movie playing a gay guy."
Me: "He was gay in the fireman movie too."
DG: "But this is different."

I never did find out the movie, but he was awfully excited about it.

*****
January 29, 7 PM
Jase asked DG why he turns on the bathroom light, then goes into his bedroom to take off his shoes and such before going into the bathroom to take a shower.

DG replied: "There could be a boogeyman!"
Jase: "Really, Dad?"
DG: "REALLY!"

*****
February 6 6:30ish PM

About a Superbowl Ad-

DG: "When did Fonzie ever wear a jersey?"

Me: "HE DIDN'T!"

DG: "Uh-oh, they done messed up."

*****
February 10, 3:45 PM
Jase quoted a song in a movie (Forgetting Sarah Marshall: "How can you read when you're blind? Yeah, Dad, how can you?"

DG: "Braille." and wiggled his fingers. "My fingers can't read. They're too dumb."


*****
February 13, 3:10 PM
The disabled guy was trying to give us a selling point to watching the movie "Shoot to Kill" (for the fourteenth time in as many weeks, I'm sure).

DG: "It has SIGNORDNEY WEAVNDNER!"

Me: "You mean Sidney Poitier?"

DG: "You know him!?"

Me: "Not personally, no."

DG: "Well, you should! You can say his name right!" and he walked away.

*****

Also, on January 30th, I managed to get a couple nice photos of him with two of the Chihuahuas. Luna and Gregg (the girl dog with a boy name).



And Luna is so over it all...



If you click this link, you can see the TV cabinet and the DVD cabinet that are now joined as one giant MEGA-CABINET!

"Hhhuuuwaaaaaaaaa!"

The Disabled Guy has been working in the shop a lot. Normally, he doesn't work out there this time of year. Its cold and without rewiring the entire shop and possibly the house, there's no way to heat it efficiently. I've suggested many times that he use a wood stove. I've been in a few garages where a wood stove in the corner warmed a room much larger than his shop.

He just finished building a plant stand for an orchestra parent we know. And now he's working on a new sofa for our living room. I know, you're thinking to yourself that he just built one. He did, very recently. But he thinks its uncomfortable to sit on and wants one that is "squishier". I'm fairly sure he's trying to get it done before NASCAR season takes off.

He came into the house today, inquired as to what I'm watching on TV ("NCIS" marathon, in case you're wondering- I don't usually watch this show, but its not bad) and went to the basement (through the kitchen). Moments later he comes back upstairs. "What the hell?" and he walked into the dining room (where I am, with the computer and I can see the TV in the living room) asking, "Do you see any blood- oh, there it is..."

He was dripping blood from a scrape on the knuckles of his paralyzed hand. His hand is quite cold (because he doesn't wear gloves or mittens, even while shoveling snow), so the blood wasn't streaming as it would have been because of his blood thinners. Some heavy stuff was going down on the show and I told him to wash it up and come back in here so I could finish the job.

I told him to "hold up" his arm, so I could reach his hand. He swept up his paralyzed arm with his good arm and made a noise- something like: "Hhhuuuwaaaaaaaaaa!" and it ended all breathe-y, almost asthmatic. I asked, "What are you doing?"

He made more noises, as if in a bad martial arts movie, again, ending in the asthmatic wheeze-y sound. "You okay?" I ask.

DG: "Of course I am." He started giggling maniacally. I asked how he fell down. "I dunno. I was walking and then my feet got caught up and I went down. Like that Tom Petty song."

Me: "You mean 'Free Falling'?"

DG: "Yeah, I was just going down, and the garbage can fell on me." (its plastic, don't worry).

Me: "That doesn't sound much like a free-fall." I had to tell him again to raise his arm up so I could get to it and he made that breathe-y martial arts noise again. "What the hell are you doing?!"

DG: "Humming!"

Me: "That's not humming."

DG: "I didn't say I was humming! Where do you get that?"

I repeated what we just said to each other. "Humming!"

*Just now, he came in and had me pop a blister- "Or a splinter, I'm not sure what it is."- it was a blister*

Anyway, while I put a band-aid on his knuckle, he argued with me as to the fact that he exclaimed "Humming!" in reply to my question. And now I have to change the channel because I've seen this episode of "NCIS" and I didn't like it the first time around.

Spoiled dogs and a baked potato

The Disabled Guy spoils the little dogs. We all know of his special baby-talk that he has for them and the conversations he has with them. And I've shared photos of the Chis with him and without him. This is about one Chi in particular- Bruno. Bruno is the first offspring from Luna and Jasper. That whole incident took place while I was in the hospital recovering from a total knee replacement. Had I been home, I would have noticed the signs and been able to separate them (as in, sending one of them to my friend's house). But at the time, I'd been in the hospital for almost two weeks. Also, we stupidly assumed that Jasper wasn't old enough at the time (he was barely nine months old). Anyway, the result is Bruno. Bruno is a beast. He was the only puppy in the litter. A litter of one. And he was normal Chihuahua puppy-sized when he was born.



We decided to keep him because he was the only pup in the litter and he's a tri-color merle. He grew.



And grew.



And grew.



Yeah.



This conversation has happened before and I thought I had shared it, but it doesn't seem that I did.

Bruno ended up not only large in comparison to his parents, he ended up large by general Chihuahua standards. The last time he was weighed, he was around fourteen pounds. He's not just fat, he's all-around BIG!

I was informed today that the reason Bruno is so big is that he ate his siblings. That's right, he ate the other puppies in his litter while he was inside Luna. And in eating those other puppies, he gained their power. An unwanted side-effect of gaining their power was the overall largeness of Bruno's physical body.

DG: "Its not his fault. He ate them and got big and strong. Too big. Poor guy. He didn't know eating his brothers and sisters would be such a bad thing and now here he is, Giant Bruno with no brothers and sisters." (he has siblings, they're just not from his litter- the litter of one).

Me: "Why did he eat the other puppies?"

DG: "So he could be- to be- so he could have power! Super Chihuahua power! To fly! And fight crime! But now he's just too damn big and can't fly. So he stays with us because he's safe. Safe from the bad guys!" Of course, when he spoke of flying, he did the hand gesture and made the "schwoooosh" sound effect.

On another note altogether, DG was rambling on about something and walked away from me while he was speaking. I called out, "What'd you say?"

DG replied, "NOTHING!"

Me: "SOMETHING! What'd you say, I can't hear you from in there." (the kitchen, on my deaf ear side).

DG: *sing-song* "If you can't HEAR it, you can't WRITE about it! AND its ALLLLLLLL MIIIIINE!"

Me: "I'm putting that in the blog."

DG: "Dammit! Foiled! Like a baked potato!"

Three videos from today...

Its difficult to explain how this started. It had something to do with someone complaining about their "disability" which no one actually thinks is real. Kind of like someone who has seen combat- they rarely talk about it; but the person who is lying about having seen combat will go on and on to try and garner attention. You get it...

This particular video was the first of five I took today. I only kept three because the other two were really long with very long parts of nothing going on (he was being uncooperative a bit), so I just kept these three. Before this video, DG picked up that large wooden circle (its the seat for a stool he's making to go with the desk he made for our daughter, Ceej), but he picked it up in a slow-motion, exaggerated fashion, as if it were extremely heavy. He made a face, groaned... he did it all. And then he said, "Oh... I pooped myself."

I told him to do it again, but this time for the camera. And he seemed all for it, till I picked up the camera.



A few minutes later, I went out to his shop and started "puppet-ing" his paralyzed arm. And he let me. As was commented when I showed this on Facebook- "He's a very patient man..."

Yes, he can be.

The irony about the paralyzed hand "attacking" me is that if I wasn't holding the camera in my right hand, I would have been able to get his hand off my left hand without a problem.



And here, I told him if he showed us his gimp arm, I'd leave him alone. (he turns the saw on, so its kind of noisy).



Also, I realized that its almost been a year since I started doing this blog. I hope you all have enjoyed it and I will continue to keep track of his ridiculousness to share.

Super-Wonder-Twins-Woman-Evil-Criminals

I don't even know what DG was watching on TV to spurn this story out of him. He was sitting on the sofa with Luna in his lap. She was facing him with that sad face that she does when she hasn't been petted for forty minutes of every hour. And DG started talking to her.

Oh, that's right... he was watching some movie and I'd just come in with the dogs (we don't have a fenced yard, so a human goes outside with the dogs). She jumped into his lap and being that it was about 19 degrees Fahrenheit, she was cold. Where I use the ellipsis (...), that's where DG paused to let Luna reply. Except that she never does.

DG: "Aww, you're so cold! We should get you a poncho... we should... because you don't like wearing a sweater. A poncho would keep you warm... like a sweater, but its like a cape. You'd like that, wouldn't you? ... Wearing a cape. Yes, you would. You could be like Wonder Woman. She has that thing... its gold. HEY! Dear, what's that thing Wonder Woman has?"

Me: "A corset?"

DG: "Its gold."

Me: "Her lasso?"

DG: "That's right. Her lasso. You could [makes swishy noises] and make people tell the truth... yes you could."

I stopped listening for a few minutes and then I heard him say something about having golden hair.

Me: "Wonder Woman didn't have golden hair. Lynda Carter didn't have golden hair."

DG: "DETAILS! We don't need your details!"

Moments later, he said, "Wonder Twins power... ACTIVATE! Form of... CHIHUAHUA!"

Me: "Why is she taking on a form of something she already is?"

DG: "She's my partner! [baby-talk] Do you wanna be my partner?... My little partner?... Partners in CRIME!"

Me: "Don't you mean 'Partners in Crime Fighting'?"

DG: "No. We could be evil! EEEEVILE!... Are we e-VILE? We could defend the German Shepherd. Because he needs help."

Me: "I think Gypsy can handle HERself."

DG: "You're small, but you have a MIGHTY... rawr!"

He completely ignored me, of course, going on about how Luna and he had crime to create and something from the movie "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" ("small but mighty").

Also today, we hooked up our old computer to the old monitor. A few weeks ago, ol' Delly up and died. Well, he didn't actually DIE, but he stopped connecting to the Internet. The amount of money it would take to get it fixed, only to have it needing a fix again in a few months, my parents smiled upon us and bought me a new computer tower. (my monitor, keyboard, and mouse are fairly new). Anyway, we decided to hook up the old computer to its old monitor, delete a bunch of stuff on in and reinstall his NASCAR games. He can't work in the shop in the coldest part of Winter because of his paralyzed side. So, he needs something to pass the time.

It worked. And here are some photos...

At the start of the endeavor, he found some 3-D glasses.



And we have success. (that's a really, really old keyboard)

A Hoarse is a Hoarse, of coarse, of coarse.

Over the weekend, I met up with an old friend from another lifetime. And anyone who knows me will tell you that I talk. A lot. I talked myself a little hoarse by Sunday, but I woke up Monday seemingly fine. Today is Tuesday and as my day drags on, I'm losing more and more of my voice. If I have to raise my voice, I sound like a pre-teen boy. If I speak normally I sound like a chain-smoker.

That said... this is today's conversation...

I go through phases where I don't like to eat breakfast cereal. So I end up having non-traditional foods for breakfast and it doesn't matter to me, I just have to eat something when I take my stay-alive pills. This morning, I decided to have some hot dogs.

Like all old people (I'm older than you, you dang whippersnapper! Get off my lawn!), I have a certain way of doing things and I prefer to have those things done MY way! The Disabled Guy opened up a package of hot dogs. He cut a strip in the side all the way down! So, I had to ask him why.

DG: "They were giving me trouble. I had to teach them a lesson."

Me: "A lesson in what? That you abuse your power with a pair of scissors?"

DG: "Exactly! I showed them who is boss. They came out of that package just like I told them to..."

Me: "You did it wrong!" My voice cracked on "wrong"

DG: "Why does your voice sound like that?"

Me: "I told you, I talked myself hoarse this weekend."

DG: "Its Tuesday."

Me: "I know. I was fine yesterday, but when I woke up today, I was hoarse."

DG: "Ohhh, I know why."

And he stopped. I waited. So finally I had to ask, "Why?"

DG: "Because you- you talk so fast and the hoarse couldn't keep up. It couldn't run fast enough to keep up with you and today, it just finally caught up and said, 'HEE-EEEEY!'... yeah. You know it."

So, there you have it- I'm hoarse two days later because the "hoarse/horse" couldn't run fast enough to keep up with my talking.

Also- since I knew I wouldn't be home on Saturday till way later, I made chili in the crock pot. Before I left, I said to Ceej (the 17 year old), "Tell Dad that the cheese for the chili is in the drawer in the fridge!"

DG said, loudly, "I'M RIGHT HERE! I CAN HEAR YOU!"

Me: "Then where's the cheese for the chili?"

DG proudly declared: "The food is in the closet!"

Now he denies ever having said that, but he giggles maniacally when he does.