Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Disaster Movies and Mouses

I was supposed to do this blog a few days ago, but I got sidetracked by things like "real life" and an actual gig this weekend where I had to do some maintenance before I set out for it. (the "gig" is one of my hobbies- I used to try and make money at it, but turns out, there's not much of a market for it around here unless you're able to network in the real live world and for four years, I wasn't able. But I do it whenever this place calls me and they called. I'm doing it again next month at the local two-day ren faire. What is it? I do psychic and tarot card readings).

But, I didn't get around to doing a blog post, so this will be spotty. I took notes, but I also take lots of pain killers and well, memory and bad handwriting are even worse on pain killers. I don't recall exactly how this discussion started, but our son was involved.

I came downstairs on this particular morning and saw that DG was watching "Airport '75" on cable. For you kids who don't know what it is, it's a disaster movie with Charlton Heston and George Kennedy- oh, you don't know who those guys are? Well, in the Seventies, there were a lot of disaster movies made and there was some kind of contractual obligation that the actor named George Kennedy had to be in as many of them as possible.

The gist of the story (for those who don't know) is that a passenger airliner is clipped by a small airplane and the person left at the controls is a stewardess. Heston and his gang of save-the-day-ers do some amazing feats of engineering and air travel to land the plane. His character gets on this jetliner and is trying to determine the amount of damage before he attempts to land it. He says something like, "[complicated-looking shit with a button] is destroyed! I can't tell if it's working or not!"

DG said, "I'll tell you how you know: You push the button and if it works, it works; if it don't, then you'll know!"

Good advice. If you don't know if something will work, just push the button. Then you'll know.

Now about the mouses. I'm not sure exactly how this one got rolling. I get the feeling it had something to do with our son's snake and his feeding of the snake. He feeds it live feeder mice (called "pinks" or "pinkies"). I posted a snippet of video the other day. Apparently, had those mice been wearing shoes, like the rats, they could have gotten away. I asked how he knew this. He said they talked to him.

I asked, "Those little bitty mice talked to you?"

DG: "Not them. Don't be ridiculous. The mouse- the mouses in charge. They told me because they know these things."

Me: "Wouldn't a mouse need two pairs of shoes?"

DG: "No. Why would they?"

Me: "Because they have four feet."

DG: "Not when they put on the shoes they don't! Gawd! They got feet and hands. With hands, you don't need shoes."

Jase started in on something with the mice and two pairs of shoes and asked if they'd have some kind of fundraiser (because sometimes, to keep his stories going, we bring up an older story). Apparently, the "mouses will wear T-shirts" and something with their names being on the shirt. When I asked him why, he exclaimed, "You guys don't you understand!?"

No... not really.

DG: "Mouses ain't got no money so they don't buy shoes anyway."

I asked how they got shoes in the first place (and reminded him of those dear, sad, flea-infested plague rats) and he said, "They evolved!"

Mouses evolved into wearing shoes. And T-shirts. But they ain't got no money to buy shoes. So from what I understand, they distract us by wearing T-shirts and steal our shoes.

For some reason, I have the words "frog's ass-end" on my paper with the conversation notes. None of us can remember what it was about. We know DG said it and he denies saying it. Then he said, "That sounds like something I'd say."


GrindhouseMatt said...

Wasn't Karen Black that stewardess?

Pahz said...

Yes, yes, she was.

GrindhouseMatt said...

I know, i just took that "kids" comment as a challenge.

Pahz said...

You, sir, are no "kid". At least, not in the sense of "those damn kids".

GrindhouseMatt said...

True, i'm usually the first to hurl the batteries at those punks.

Pahz said...

There is always room for you on my front porch, Matt. Bring your shakin' cane and your ear horn.