"I can't sing! Doo-dooo-doooooo!"

I had to leave the house, such happens from time to time. Apparently, while I was gone (with Shawn, to the grocery store), Ceej (our 16 year old, if you've been keeping notes) had a conversation with DG of which she tried to get on video. She had some on her own camera, but filled up the memory too quickly. She got my camera (which has a much larger SD card in it) and took three videos of a strange conversation. From what I can piece together through DG denying he ever spoke to her (despite the video) and his arguing with her about how "Mom will find out" (that's right, he calls me "Mom"- but we covered this- he does it because the kids do it), he was going to go take a shower, sang about it, then giggled like a maniac. And she tried to get footage of it for all of you.

I uploaded this short video from my camera. Mostly because DG was laughing and you can hear him say "Ooooh!" which goes into some kind of weird "Oooh, woooo-hooo-dooo-dooo!" singing in his attempt to stop laughing. (I mentioned this before- when he laughs so hard he can't stop, he says "ooooh" over and over till he can breathe again. We refer to it as "making Dad go 'oooh'...").

Then, of course, he declares he can't sing... but he sings it.

Enjoy! And special thanks to the adorable Ceej for her valiant efforts to get video footage for all of you. (Oh, and the dogs in his lap- the fawn colored one is Luna- his "girlfriend" and the smaller, darker one is Jasper).

"Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist!"

There's a movie called "The Princess Bride". Back when it first came out, I was reluctant to watch because I loathed the book. I had to read the book in one of my high school literature classes and I actually believed that some jerk took someone else's book and wrote in his own little bits and pieces. I seriously never got far enough into the book to realize that the "jerk" actually wrote the whole story. It was one of the few times I got a low grade in an English/literature/writing class. But, eventually, I caved in and saw the movie because two of my favorite actors are in it (Cary Elwes and Mandy Patinkin).

If you've seen it, you know it is a highly quotable flick. Its a good movie in general, but fans tend to quote it like mad and we're no different. A few of you know that DG is a movie-file. We have an enormous collection of movies on DVD and are slowly adding to it and we're replacing old VHS tapes with the DVD versions. And, if any of you who are reading now have read all the blog posts- or even just the first one- you know that DG builds things out of wood. Amazing things. After almost two years of our new TV sitting on top of our old big-ass console TV, he built a TV cabinet. The great thing is that it is awesome and looks wonderful. Bad thing is that it is extremely custom-built and if we ever get a new TV or even a new DVD player or cable box (one of which is going to happen next week), it will off-set the whole balance.

Here's a photo of the cabinet.



I'm really just showing that photo off so I can brag a bit. The real reason for this blog post is a conversation DG had with our 16 year old daughter, Ceej. But, since its about a movie and he used a movie quote, I'm showing you the cabinets he built.

Here's the DVD cabinet he built to attach to the TV cabinet. Then he realized how big of a unit that would be and left them detached. Heck, I may have even shared these photos with you before. I tend to spam the Web with his work when he finishes something.





Since that photo was taken, we've since filled empty spaces. We're running out of room in that cabinet- a problem DG says we'll deal with "when the time comes" and if it is anything like I expect, its sooner than he realizes.

So, you see my point. We collect movies. More than one shelf in that cabinet is my "damn foreign movies"- to which I say, "How can they be "foreign" when everyone is speaking English?" He's got no answer for it, because of all the overseas-made movies I have, only ONE is in French. The rest are British or Australian. But back to the conversation.

The title of this blog is in reference to a line spoken by Cary Elwes in "The Princess Bride". Buttercup says to him, "What about the ROUSes?" and then he replies- "Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist." and then he's attacked by a guy wearing a giant rodent suit. (well, WE know its a guy in a rodent suit, but we're supposed to believe that its an ROUS).

Ceej saw the movie "Paranormal Activity" in the theater. When Shawn bought it the other day, she demanded we watch it. They're watching it now, as I type this. There's a scene in the movie where the man checked out their attic. The woman in the movie asked something like, "What do you think you're going to find?"

DG said, "A rat!"

Ceej exclaimed, "A rat in little Nike shoes!"

I asked, "What's a rat going to do?"

DG replied, "A lot, if its a rat on steroids."

Ceej: "You mean an ROUS?"

DG: "Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist."

Then he paused, as if bracing for an attack. When nobody dressed in a giant rat costume attacked him, he laughed in that near-psychotic way he does when he thinks he's being funnier than anyone else in the room. Someday, I'll have to get a photo of him making his "pause for effect" face. Now that's funnier than anyone else in the room.

"The Shun"...

Today (Saturday, March 20), the movie Australia came on cable. (Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman- good flick, if you haven't watched yet, you should). At the beginning of the movie there's a scrolling few paragraphs that explain what the story is about- how mixed-race Aborigine children were taken from their families.

Apparently, DG hadn't read it all the way through before. I explained the one line: "Mixed race children were forcefully taken from their families and trained to be of service to white society" (or something like that, because I started laughing at DG). I said, "What I gather is that the Aborigines would have kept those children anyway."

DG said, "I'd have kept it. If I had a kid with a black lady, I'd keep it. I'd still be f*cked though." (I thought he was referring to getting laid) and he added, "I'd be- you know, the white people woulda given me The Shun." And he waved his hand in front of himself, sort of like Obi-Wan Kenobi in the "These are not the droids you are looking for" scene in Star Wars.

I said: "The Shun?"

DG: "Yeah, when a white guy gets with a black lady, white folks don't like it. I'd get The Shun." (and the hand motion).

As I was typing this, the scene with Hugh Jackman trying to get a drink in the pub with his black friend came on. Jackman is told by the bartender/owner that the black friend isn't welcome (and he was told in a very impolite manner). DG declared about Jackman's character: "See? He's gettin' The Shun."

AND, as I was typing up the above, DG stood up to get more coffee and declared: "The Shun... its the new word for today."

Bawk-Bawk footage!

He agreed to be on the video, but not IN the video. So I pointed the camera at the picture frame that is above my desk and Jase, myself and DG "re-enacted" the "What's for dinner?" conversation just for you (and those of you from the Facebook group).

Enjoy!

Bawk-Bawk! And the lack of conversation.

I've been a bit busy what with Shawn visiting. I've been trying to remember conversations with DG to share. And there's been a lot of stuff going on (aside from Shawn's visit) and I've been distracted. I asked the kids to give me some fodder to share with you all but they've come up short as well.

Jase said, "Give him the Magic 8 Ball... and let things happen."

I told him that I've done at least two blog posts about the Magic 8 Ball. Jase said, "Then make it a regular thing! Just give it to him."

I said that I wasn't going to get up to give him the 8 Ball, so Jase gave it to him. And he put one of his brain cells on his head. (You all remember the brain cells he got for Christmas).

DG asked, "Is it the blind one?" (Bruno chewed on it and digested the plastic eyes)

Jase replied, "It is the blind one."

DG sighed and said, "He's not well."

Of course he's not well. He's a plush magnified brain cell that's been chewed on by a Chihuahua puppy.

But, now "Spartacus, Blood and Sand" is on TV. We've lost him. He's ignoring the blind brain cell, the Magic 8 Ball, and the Chihuahuas. And ignoring the Chihuahuas is quite the feat. Shawn can attest to that.

Since there's no conversation with the Disabled Guy to share, or a Disabled Guy's Conversation with the Magic 8 Ball, I thought I'd leave you with this-

Whenever one of the kids asks me what we're having for dinner, I reply with whichever meat we're having as a main course. "Chicken...", "Pork chops...", "Ham...", "Roast beef..."

You get the picture...

Each declaration of food is met with a sound effect from DG.

Kid: "Mom, what's for dinner?"

Me: "Chicken." DG: "BAWK-BAWK!"

Literally, before I'm done uttering the final letter in the word, he blurts out the sound effect.

"Roast beef-" "MOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Pork chops-" "OINK-OINK!"

Then he laughs uproariously at himself.

Jase just informed me that DG is still sitting on the sofa with the blind brain cell on top of his head.

Patty is a double NASCAR widow today...

DG is a NASCAR fan. He loves Tony Stewart.

Shawn has recently gotten into NASCAR because of Marcos Ambrose. (he's Australian, for those who don't care about NASCAR).

I lost DG, as I always do, to the race today.

And, I've lost Shawn as well. He can see races in Australia, but they're aired at 6 AM. I'm pretty sure today's race is his first live NASCAR race.

DG is doing more talking today than he has in ages. He's carrying on coherent strings of conversation with Shawn, all about NASCAR. They've even ganged up on me and I've lost not only DG, but Shawn as well.

The only way this photo would be any more precious is if they were sitting together or even holding hands. They're both annoyed by the same drivers (Jimmie Johnson and Kyle Busch), they're sitting in the same position... its just too much dude for me.

Aus-ome! (yeah, I just said that)

I have a friend who happens to be Australian. What? How is that possible? Well, you see, there's this magical thing called "the Internet" and I meet lots of people. Shawn is someone I met, gosh-golly, six years ago, give or take a few months. This is his third visit to the good ol' US of A. He'll be here for the entire month of March (and I mean this literally, he arrived on March 1st and will leave us on March 31st).

Now, before you get all excited, let me just say a few things about dear ol' Shawn. No, he does not have a kangaroo as a pet. He does not jump wildly onto crocodiles. He does not shout: "CRIKEY!" or say "G'day, mate!" constantly. He does not wear one of those hats that are pushed up on one side- they have a name, by the way, but damned if my Google-fu is failing me at 5 AM on a Saturday. Shawn is just a guy who lives in a city and happens to have a really cool accent.

We found out about four weeks before he arrived that he was, well, arriving. We'd been talking about it for a few months- that he was trying to get here and all. But he sent me his flight info around the first of February with a "see you in four weeks!" as a subject line.

What's this got to do with DG? Well, he lives in this house, so he's hanging out with Shawn as well. But, leading up to Shawn's arrival...

Shawn has a day job. He works long hours and has a killer commute that would cause me to whip out a golf club and go all Jack Nicholson on someone's windshield. So, he doesn't have a lot of time to waste on watching movies or TV. Our kids were excited that Shawn was coming for a visit and randomly throughout the time leading up to his arrival, they'd ask me questions about what he wanted to do while here and so on.

Now, DG is known for joining a conversation late. Like when our youngest, Ceej, is talking about her day at school. She'll go on about her class or a teacher.

Ceej: "And then the teacher told us not to worry about doing the homework, just finish it on Monday. So that's cool."

Me: "Yeah, that is cool. Now you can go to the movies with your friends instead of doing homework."

Ceej: "I'm going to need some money for the movies."

Me: "Ask your dad."

Now, DG is sitting right there. He's looking from me to Ceej as if he's following along with our conversation. So, Ceej says, "Can I have some money for the movies this weekend?"

DG shrugs and says, "Okay."

Moments pass. Long moments. We've moved on to another topic.

DG says: "You've got all that homework to do this weekend."

Ceej: "No, I don't. I told you the teacher just told us to wait and finish it on Monday."

DG: "Oh, well, that's good. Then you can go to the movies with your friends."

Ceej: "I know, you gave me money about ten minutes ago."

DG: "No... are you sure?" It is around this time where we say: "Welcome to the conversation." to him.

But this proves we have good kids. Any other kid would say, "Oh, no, you're right, Dad. You should give me some more money."

Back to the Shawn topic of things. We'd discuss Shawn's impending arrival and then move on to another topic. DG would be watching TV or even seemingly involved in our discussion. Then, moments turned to minutes, turned to hours. DG would suddenly blurt out: "Has he seen [insert movie title here]?"

I was supposed to realize, hours later, that he was still talking about Shawn. I was supposed to think about all the male people we know, from our own son, to my father, to random acquaintances and discern that he was speaking about Shawn. I finally made a note of all the movies DG was asking about and emailed Shawn about it. You read that right. He did the random blurting more than once. After the third time, I realized that every time was pertaining to Shawn.

The other day, Shawn and DG watched all six episodes of "Spartacus, Blood and Sand" on "demand" on our cable system. Literally. I don't think they even got up to take bathroom breaks. If you're not familiar with the show, its a made-for-cable action-y thing about gladiator times. I've summed it up as: "Massive bloody violence, soft-core porn, and Lucy Lawless topless."

I lost Shawn the second I described it to him and I shouldn't have expected less.

Shawn has visited twice before and has had plenty of conversations with DG. However, DG is usually "on company behavior", at least at first, and seems to be a bit more "with it" when he's talking to Shawn.

I'll leave you with this tidbit... because its something DG said about Shawn and Australia...

Me: "I think that while Shawn's here, we should do a Thanksgiving kind of meal."

DG: "Why?"

Me: "So he can see what all the fuss is about."

DG: "What fuss?"

Me: "He was here for an American Halloween the first time and he got to be here for a Fourth of July cook-out the second time. There's no holiday that's a big deal in March, except for Saint Patrick's Day, but we don't do anything on that day. So, I figured maybe we could do a big-ass American meal."

DG: "We have Saint Patrick's Day but we don't do anything for it."

Me: "Welcome to the conversation." and I paused then said, "What do you think about the Thanksgiving meal idea?"

DG: "What's the big deal? What does he do on Thanksgiving?"

This is about the time I just sort of sigh and try to move on.