Three Conversations in less than ten minutes

DG loves the show "iCarly". Its a teen show on Nickelodeon and the kids have watched for years. DG just discovered it in the last six months and now we have to watch it ALL the time even though he has caught up on all the seasons he missed. Every now and then, he'll ask a question about an episode or a character, so I go over to the IMDb website and look stuff up. Why me? Because I'm ALWAYS in this computer chair.

I don't even remember the original reason for looking stuff up today, but it became about the actors' ages. If you know the characters, the three main ones (Carly, Sam and Freddie) are all under 18, but "Sam" has her 18th birthday this summer. There's another character named Gibby who is a chubby kid who likes to take his shirt off. I know all this sounds ridiculous, but if you know the show- you know what I'm going on about. So, I said something about Gibby that someone posted on an IMDb (which is a hilarious place to read because some of those people are insane). DG came into the room in the middle of my reading it out loud (that Gibby looks like a kid on "Cake Boss") and asked me who I was talking about.

I asked if he knew who Gibby was (and I have to call them by their character names because he hasn't a clue to their real names). He did- "the chunky kid who always takes his shirt off." So, I told him- and of course, he had no idea who "Cake Boss" is, much less his nephew, who looks like Gibby. So, I continue reading and saying little facts out loud.

Me: "Hey, Gibby has four siblings. Three brothers and a sister. But it doesn't say if he's the youngest or not."

DG: "How old is he?"

Me: "About fourteen years old."

DG: "And he's got KIDS?!"

Me: "No... he's got siblings."

DG: "What are siblings?"

Me: "Brothers and sisters."

DG: "Oh, thank God... because fourteen is way too young for him to have kids. Even though he's famous and stuff."

He kept muttering- about the "iCarly" kids and about the new DVR thing we've got on our cable. As you all recall, DG is an avid NASCAR fan. He was looking to set a reminder about the race tonight (its a night race) and suddenly realized he could set the DVR to record it tonight and then watch it in the morning. He's been busy in his shop, building a swing (done) and a wooden trunk for his mother. He doesn't like to stop working- seriously, sometimes I have to remind him to eat.

So, those of you with DVR know that it gives you the option to record "beyond the program length" because of it being a live sports program. And NASCAR is like football- it can and does go past its scheduled time. DG was muttering to himself and saying random things louder that made no sense.

I sighed and said, "Oh, my gawd."

DG: "Yes? Can I help you?"

Me: "You're not God."

DG: "You don't know that, I could be."

Me: "But you're not 'God'... you're not even 'a god'."

DG: "Fine, be that way."

Me: "God, or 'a god' would know how to program his DVR..."

DG: "Oh, then YOU do it!"

Three seconds later, I had the DVR set to record the entire NASCAR race and two hours past it. He called me a showoff then said, "Wait, can I get this in that dee stuff?"

Me: "Yes, you can get it in HD." So, I deleted that recording and then had to find the HD channel for the local FOX network.

DG: "Oooh, you're not so fast now, are you, you showoff?"

Me: "If you don't shut up, I'll punch you in the face."

DG: *feigning shock* "That would be uncalled for!"

Me: *as I clicked the buttons to add the program (plus two hours) to the DVR* "But I would feel better." and I handed him the remote.

DG: "It wouldn't be a good feeling."

Me: "I just said it would make me feel better, BETTER is good." And I touched his cheek with my fist. "Just imagine that in high speed."

DG: "OH! I've been hit!"

Now, I was all ready to leave you with these three conversations that took place in less than ten minutes. But, as I started to type this up, an anti-virus scan update started. So, I saved the first paragraph and went to make lunch. By then, DG had gone to his shop and come back in. He's staining that wood trunk and was washing out the rags and stuff he uses to stain with, in the sink. I loathe sandwiches. I will only eat a cold sandwich if it is from a nationally-known sandwich chain or if I'm really hungry. So, I decided to make a sandwich.

I said, "Don't tell Kat (our oldest child who buys her own lunch foods for work), but I'm going to eat some of her spinach on my sandwich."

DG: "Are you Popeye the sailor man?"

Me: "No, but if I have to eat a sandwich, I'm going to have spinach leaves on it, its good and I need the dark, leafy green stuff."

There was a slight pause as I made my crappy sandwich (crappy because I don't like them). Then I added, "I suppose its not a big deal that I eat this, if I don't, it'll go bad."

DG: "Why would it go bad?"

Me: "Because Kat doesn't always eat fresh stuff fast enough."

DG: "Is that her spinach?"

Me: "It usually is when I say 'Don't tell Kat, but I'm eating her spinach'... that should have been a big clue to you, don't you think?"

DG: "Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?"

Me: "Are you having a conversation in your head without me? Because if you are, you're not going to understand our conversation."

DG: "I might be, but I can't tell you. Its classified."

Now DG is a spy in the secret conversation network.

So, we had four conversations today- three within ten minutes and the other about fifteen minutes later. And for all three, he was having some other conversation in his head.

I asked him, a few moments later, if the world in his head was a pretty place. He sighed and said it was. But there were no unicorns. "Everyone knows unicorns are cranky bastards."