You ask a simple question...

I can't see the sofa in the living room from where my desk is situated. Our living room and dining room make an L-shaped area that is open. But he's at the other side of the L, around the corner. My desk is in the dining room because its the largest room in the house and even before we had the Internet, I had a desk here with a typewriter (then a small word processor called "Desktop Publisher" made by Brother) because I fancied myself a writer.

Our stairs make a distinctive sound when different people walk down them and I thought I heard him come downstairs. But he didn't say anything. And he didn't change the TV channel. When I'm on the computer, I have the TV on as background noise because without it, the dogs bark at all the outside noises. From the wind, to cars driving by, to a leaf gently brushing against another leaf. So, its on the USA channel with a "Law & Order SVU" marathon on right now.

Me: "Are you down here?"

DG: "Yeah."

Me: "I thought you would have changed the channel."

DG: "Not yet."

Me: "Isn't your race on?" [NASCAR]

DG: "Yes."

Me: "Then why aren't you watching it?"

DG: "It isn't on yet."

Me: "Dude, I just asked you if it was on."

DG: "Oh... [pause] No... [pause]  Not yet."

You had one job, DG.

Textually Speaking, the Oreo NASCAR edition

I love Oreos. A lot. Not so much that it takes over my life or causes me to do silly things with them, like, say... put them in a 365 days photo.




No, that's not weird at all.

Well, today, I took a break from my work (photo editing) and had some Oreos as a snack. Okay, so maybe I had Oreos for lunch. Whatever... don't you judge me, dammit!

Where was I? Oh, the Oreos... Apparently, Oreos is having some kind of contest involving NASCAR and their cookies are imprinted on one side with random NASCAR stuff. So, while I was taking my break from photo editing, I took cell phone photos of the Oreos and sent them, without any explanation, to the Disabled Guy.

Me: "I'm about to dunk Tony Stewart!"

DG: "No! Not Tony! What did he do 2 U?"



Me: "HE'S NEXT!!"

DG: "Run, Newman! RUN!" (Ryan Newman)



DG: "Well, suck my dick, you done ate my drivers!"



DG: "I hope you enjoyed eating them. Meanie."



I told him that they tasted like Oreos and that's all that mattered. So, I went back to work, he went back to watching the race. A few hours after our cookie exchange, DG sent me another text.

DG: "Matt Kenseth won. Tony was down a lap."

Me: "Are you telling me this because I ate the #14 cookie?"

DG: "Yes. U 8 his MOJO!"

Me: "Eww, gross!"

DG: "U did it!!"

Me: "His mojo tasted a lot like an Oreo cookie."

DG: "Whatever it tasted like, you done killed my driver! Boo-hoo-boo-hoo!!!!"

I caused Tony Stewart to lose today's race because of my love for Oreos.

And you know what?

I'd totally do it again.