Ducks in Disguise

We had some errands to run on Monday and I had to drive. Even though DG wanted to drive, his truck was blocked in by our son's car. Our son works nights and sleeps in the daytime (you know, because that's what night-shift workers do). DG can't get into the boy's car, its too small and low to the ground for him. And I have difficulty getting into the car for similar reasons, but in his case, its because of his right-side paralysis. In my case, its because I'm overweight and my legs don't enjoy the contortionist act I have to do to get behind the wheel of a small car. At any rate, I was driving my truck and he was looking out the window.

You know what's weird? My parents had two cars for most of my life. My dad had a truck (we used to go camping every weekend from April till October when I was a kid) and my mom had the car. But if we went anywhere, Dad drove. Even if we were in the car. And DG has his full-size pickup truck (because its the only type of vehicle he can drive where he has the room to move his paralyzed leg out of the way). And we have the four-door, mid-size pickup truck. It was always "HIS truck" and "the truck" when we referred to the separate vehicles. But, when we go somewhere in my truck, I'm driving. Even if he's with me. (he CAN drive my truck, but not as comfortably as he can his full-size pickup truck).

Weird.

But back to the conversation. We stopped at stoplight and it turned green almost immediately. DG exclaimed: "Oh, look at that sad tree!"

I just caught a glimpse of a small pine tree that was all drooped over and quite Charlie Brown-esque. I agreed, it was indeed a sad tree.

DG: "It looks like Charlie Brown's tree."

Me: "It sure does."

DG: "Sad, sad tree..."

Me: "You keep saying I'm the weird one and yet you come up with things like 'sad tree'."

DG: "You ARE weird." and without taking a breath he exclaimed: "Look at all those ducks!"

Me: "Those are geese."

DG: "No, they're not."

Me: "Yes, they are! Those are Canadian geese."

DG: "They're ducks. They're just wearing disguises."

Me: "They're ducks? Dressed like geese?"

DG: "Don't you know? They're spies. Nobody will suspect the ducks."

Me: "Not when they're dressed like geese."

DG: "Of course not. Halloween is coming. They're ready."

I brought up the fact that he avoided the "I'm weird, but you say..." topic again. I said: "You say shit like blankets attacked you in your sleep and then you tell me I'm weird."

DG: "Hey, that actually happened. And I taught them a lesson."

Me: "Rats with little Nike shoes."

DG: "THAT is an actual historical fact! They teach that in SCHOOLS!"

Me: "Of course they do."

DG: "Rat schools."

We reached our destination and he went in to do what he had to do and I sent myself an email text with the key parts of this conversation in it. Because, well, Ducks wearing Geese disguises. Because Halloween is coming.

And something completely unrelated- a few weeks ago, my dad asked for a photo of me with DG so he could put it in a frame. The most recent one he had was over ten years old. So, for three weeks, I reminded DG that my dad wanted a photo of the two of us together. He whined about it, made a fuss, and decided that since he needs a haircut, he wouldn't let me give him one, because then I wouldn't want to do the photo. On Monday, October 8th, I gave him no choice. "That's it, we're doing the photo today. I don't care that you need a haircut." DG was uncooperative and it took almost two dozen attempts to get this one photo to turn out. So here you go- a photo of me with the Disabled Guy where neither of us is pulling a face.

My dad liked it, by the way. And the first thing he said was: "Jerry needs a haircut." (because he doesn't call him "the Disabled Guy").