Conversations with the Disabled Guy: The Squirrel Protection Agency and the Squirrel Bureau of Investigation Part Two

I've been a bit sidetracked this week. I've got my own health issues that I've been dealing with and part of those kept me up till 5 AM on Thursday. Three and a half hours of sleep and I was back up and at 'em for the day.

DG has been rebuilding the deck, as I mentioned before. (his toe, turns out it wasn't broken, but it ended up with a lot of gross blood and oozing at the base of the toenail and he's going to eventually lose that toenail- so there's an image for you). Well, he's also sunburned himself- his "starter burn" is what we call it. Every year, he takes his pale body out, shirtless and just burns himself to a crisp. Then he reeks of cocoa butter lotion- which I hate.

At the end of this conversation, I'll post photos of the deck so far.

DG gets up at 6 AM most days. He's stopped walking since he started building the deck. And by that, I mean he's stopped walking for exercise, not that he's dragging himself along with his one good arm. He gets downstairs around ten after six. By then, I've been up for over an hour and have started what little work I actually do online or something that looks mysteriously like I'm not working. Most days, I go back to bed for an hour nap or even just to lie down. It really depends on how crappy I feel. But I digress.

This morning, he came downstairs, all excited. Because he saw the "witness protection squirrel" from the window on our staircase landing. I said then he wasn't doing a very good job at hiding if not only was he witnessed, but he was recognized. I really think cutting his tail off was a mistake- he's more recognizable now.

Moments pass and I go into the kitchen to get the last of my morning stay-alive medicine where DG starts talking about the squirrel again. I was only half-listening so I asked him what he was talking about.

DG: "I dunno. I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. They have strict rules about this sort of thing!"

I waited a few moments (because I was taking my medicine) and then I asked: "So, about the Squirrel Protection Agency-"

DG interrupted me with: "SHHHHH!"

Me: "But the Squirrel Protection Agen-"

DG: "They're out there!"

Me: "Who is?"

DG: "The X-files!"

Me: "What do the X-files have to do with squirrels?"

DG: "They're in cahoots!"

He was quite entertained by his "cahoots" statement, so I let it go for a few more minutes. He had to laugh it out. Then I said, "Wouldn't they be the S-Files?" When he didn't reply, I asked, "Are you afraid they're gonna cut your tail off?"

DG wiggled his butt from side-to-side and said, in a sing-song voice: "I ain't got no tail!" *butt-wiggle* "They done shot my ass off anyway." As he walked past me he said, "They shot my ass off and it got scared and all of it came up here." *he patted his sunburned belly*

I sighed and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He answered with a sigh: "It's been a long morning."

Me: "You've been awake for seventeen minutes!"

DG: "It's been a long seventeen minutes!"

I came back to my desk, so I could scribble down some notes (I didn't want to forget the details of this conversation). From the kitchen, I hear DG exclaim: "Oh, NO!"

Me: "What's the matter? Are you scared of the squirrel mafia?"

He poked his head in from the kitchen: "NO! Shhhhhhh!!"

He finished making his coffee and I finished my notes. A few minutes later, Ceej came downstairs. DG was sitting in the living room, with his coffee, watching TV and I said to Ceej: "The SPA is out."

Ceej: "What does that mean?"

Me: "It means it's been a long half hour since your dad woke up."

DG, from the living room: "What'd she say!?"

Me: "She's talking about the Squirrel Protection Agency!"

DG: "Who told her!? I didn't tell her!"

Me: "She knew about it. There's a leak in your department."

If you're in the Facebook group, you know about the "ET" conversation that followed.

DG: "Here, this is the X-files."

Me: "That's 'ET', it isn't an X-file."

DG: "It should be."

Me: "Are there squirrels?"

DG: "Probably. I can't say. I'm not at liberty."

He's not at liberty to say anything about the Squirrel Protection Agency, the Squirrel Bureau of Investigation, or the S-Files. So whatever you've heard, you didn't hear it from him!

And now the photos...

The tear-down from last week.

He left half of the upper deck in place because of the dogs and for convenience, really.

This is the expanded part of the upper deck (it will all be upper deck when it's all done). But this is so the two parts of the deck meet up without a gate or whatnot. He dug up all those shrubs a day or two ago, put the framework up, then put the shrubs back today. He got done with those and then it started to rain.