Friday, October 24, 2014

"I'm gonna shoot you!" (spoiler alert- we don't own any guns)

This is one of our dogs- Gregg the Girl Dog with a Boy Name (we just call her Gregg). Uh, I didn't name her.

She's approximately six pounds... with two hundred pounds of adorable attitude.

This morning, she did what she usually does- she was barking at imagined things. She barks up the stairs at the cats, even if the cats aren't sitting where she can see them, because they MIGHT BE THERE! And her style of barking is a slow and steady beat of a high-pitched: "BARK! BARK! BARK!" as if a human were just yelling: "HEY! HEY! HEY!" (except for twenty-seven consecutive times).

The Disabled Guy usually tells the dogs to hush by saying: "I'm gonna shoot you!" and today was no different. So, I asked: "With what? A rubber band?"

DG: "Maybe! You don't know. I could have a gun."

Me: "Except you don't. We don't own any guns."

DG: "I have a gun. I just don't have ammo for it."

Me: "Right, because they just don't make ammo for guns anymore."

DG: "Not THIS gun!" [and he held up his hand with his thumb up and index finger out.]

Me: "You're going to shoot the tiny dog with an imaginary gun... but you don't have the ammo."

DG: "I can't afford the ammo for this gun anymore."

Me: "Well, it IS rather rare. Of course it's expensive."

DG: "It isn't out there! I've looked!"

Me: "Right. Your imaginary gun isn't going to hurt anyone."

DG: [still holding his hand out all this while] "Hey, I could pistol whip someone with this."

Me: "That would be called 'punching' or 'slapping'."

DG: "Not with this GUN!" [and he held his hand higher.] "I'll just give you a whack and go to town."

Me: "How are you going to hold me down to pistol whip me if you can't hold me with your hand that IS a pistol?"

DG: "I'll just whack you upside the head, fall down on you and then just go to town, pistol whip the shit outta you."

Me: "Okay then... well, I'll keep a lookout for that expensive ammo for your imaginary gun so you don't have to pistol whip anyone to town. It sounds exhausting."

DG: "It is. That's why I don't do it anymore."

Me: "... 'Anymore'? Like you've ever pistol whipped someone with an imaginary gun."

DG: "You don't know. I could have!"

All the while this conversation was going on, Gregg was Bark-Hey-ing up the stairs at the cats who weren't anywhere near the stairs. Gregg is apparently not afraid of an imaginary gun without ammo.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

The Great Train Environment!

The Disabled Guy finally said I could take photos of the progress he's making on his train set. He hadn't let me take photos before, so despite only having my phone on me, I took photos. I didn't want to give him time to change his mind by going downstairs to get my real camera. He's quite proud of himself- and he should be, because he's tackled this task with the same focus and dedication he has for carpentry.

First off, he created the framework for this, an almost-chest-high table with very large drawers and a cabinet underneath. The base is pine and the foundation of the train area is Styrofoam over plywood. The mountains were made from newspaper wads and some kind of plastering agent (he got it at "the train store"). He built the trees by hand, gluing bits of greenery on the little plastic trees. He even went outside and found twigs and dead leaf/sticks to use for his fallen trees. The smaller rocks (and the rocks that will be in the corner) are plaster from rubber molds he bought from the train store. He used the molds as a base, then sanded/added things after it was dry to change their appearance.

And I don't need to remind you that he does all of this one-handed. He wants me to stress- THIS IS IN PROGRESS! It isn't in any way close to being done yet. Also, you should admire his headlight. He thinks he's hilarious by wearing it for model-building. I tried to bring him back to earth by telling him that's one of the intended uses, but he doesn't care.


Also worth noting, he needs a haircut!